Biking to keep myself distracted.
This week has been about trying to be not too nervous for the MRI results of tomorrow afternoon. The specialists assured me that unless the MRI shows “some sort of explosion,” it would not change the upcoming treatment plans. Now I don’t feel great, but I am quite sure that an explosion did not take place. Regardless, to me, the results of the MRI seem important. I hope that the two months of chemotherapy have led to measurable positive effects.
I find it difficult to keep my mind from worrying about useless “what if’s,” such as: “what if the tumors are bigger,” “what if there are more lesions,” “what if nothing has changed on the MRI?” In either case, there is nothing that I can do, except for continuing with the planned treatment. Worrying about an adverse outcome is pointless. Perhaps it will not happen, and everything is fine, in which case I worried for nothing. Or otherwise, the negative is true, and then that situation has to be dealt with, and being nervous is not an effective way to make the best of this situation either.
Letting go of negative thoughts is, of course, easier said than done.
Lieve zoon, wat dapper dat je jezelf laat zien: je angst, je zorgen, je hoop en wanhoop, je vertrouwen en je twijfel. Je bent nu eenmaal een mens en geen robot. Jij mag zijn wie je bent!
Ik snap hoe moeilijk deze onzekere situatie moet zijn. Maar probeer ook het goede te blijven zien: de hoop, het vertrouwen, de vriendschap en vooral de liefde van zoveel warme en betrokken mensen om je heen. Weet dat we morgen met heel veel mensen om je heen ‘staan’. Wij steken weer een kaarsje op!